One Minute Man (My First Time)

One minute is being generous.

I lost my virginity two months before my 25th birthday in Fall 2013. Started the game late, but definitely caught up fast. I blame this on growing up super religious and having low self-esteem from being overweight my whole life.

I met “Ethan” online. He was fairly good looking, tall (6’4), and 10 years older. He seemed like a nice guy. At this point, I had never been on a date before. I was living vicariously through my slutty friends and learning dating do’s and don’t from Cosmo and movies/tv shows. I even followed the 3 date rule with Ethan. Okay… I *loosely* followed the 3 date rule with Ethan.

For our first date, we decided to grab coffee (which I awkwardly had to pay for) and take a walk around Central Park. We sat facing the lake and talked for a couple of hours. We hugged, we kissed, we held hands–it could not have been a more perfect date. I was smitten. It felt so nice to know that someone liked me, fat Mary.

For our second date, Ethan and I planned to go to the movies. I waited 30 minutes for him. Tried reaching out, no response. Getting stood up crossed my mind and I was heartbroken. He eventually showed up and made up some lame excuse. I brushed it off because he was the first boy who showed interest in me. He decided he didn’t want to go to the movies, so we drove to Long Island City and parked facing Manhattan. We talked for hours. He opened up to me and told me his mother recently passed and cried, which made me cry because I am a sympathetic crier.

One thing led to another, and he fingered me and I blew him in the car. I learned a couple of things that night: 1) height is not indicative of penis size 2) pre-mature ejaculation is real, but I brushed it off because he was the first boy who showed interest in me.

For our third date, we had made plans to meet, but Ethan said that he was really tired, so I invited him over to my apartment. We laid in bed and kissed and one thing led to another. At this point, Ethan knew I was a virgin. I told him I wanted to have sex but I was a bit embarrassed so I didn’t take off my bra or underwear.

We had sex without a condom, dumb Mary, but I actually didn’t even think about it. As soon as Ethan was in me, definitely no more than 1 minute, he pulled out and came. He apologized and said that he will be able to do it again in a few minutes and that he gets aroused when his nipples are licked. I licked his nipples and he got hard. We fucked again, and again he came within 1 minute. I licked his nipple again, and he got hard, we fucked, he came. It was like a Pavlovian experiment–but unsure who was the dog in this situation. We must have “fucked” 10 times (all under 1 minute) from night to the next morning. Also, I swore I heard him say “I love you” while we were cuddling.

That was the last time I saw Ethan. I would reach out, but he never confirmed plans. We confirmed to meet once and I waited over an hour for him. He finally texted me that he was with a friend and ran over and couldn’t meet. That was the last straw. No more brushing it off. I called him out for being disrespectful and a flake. No surprise, he never responded.

I was so naive to think that this could have been a long term relationship. There were so many red flags but the idea of someone liking me, blinded me from seeing that there was something off with Ethan. Also, I didn’t know how to date, and I still don’t. I am sure I could have handled this differently, but I was just a repressed horny Asian girl that fell hard for the first boy who showed interest.